Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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