I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
