I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
where are you?
Hypothermia
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
