i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
