If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
