tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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