I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
