Where did you get a picture of my penis
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
