Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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