This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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