i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
