She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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