So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
