I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
