went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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