Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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