I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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