my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize