Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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