You smell like stripper and shame
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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