You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
