your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Four minutes until I can fart!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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