i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
