he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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