Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How's work?
Spinning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
