You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
