maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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