thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
