Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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