i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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