Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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