Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
