I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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