All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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