woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have fence marks all over my body
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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