all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
