Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
