when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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