I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
