Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize