my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
