I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
