Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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