Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Houston, we have a blender
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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