Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
