What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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