you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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