my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
