The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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