my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
