guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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