He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
