There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
