at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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