Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
