My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
