in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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