They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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