so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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