he thought i was a dude.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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