Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
