hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
