Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
