HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
high people should be assigned attendants
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
