yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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