I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
