I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
