Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
