i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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