For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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