Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
