after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
