Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
