I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
