Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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