hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
