I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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