its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The air taste purple.
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