I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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