how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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