She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
