so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
